My new fantasy

When I was a tiny redhead, I used to fantasize about winning game 7 of the Cubs' first championship in a century while my bikini-clad concubine, Kathy Ireland, cheered me on from the chocolate sauce-filled hot tub in our golden bricked mansion.
Ah, memories.
But now my daydreams have undergone a serious reconstruction. I no longer dream about Kathy's emerald pupils or pretend that the Cubs will ever stop waiting for next year.
So I have a new kind of fantasy.
Baseball.
Fantasy Baseball to be more accurate.
Yes, I am that kind of nerd: a fiction writer who loves to cook and water his garden and draft real life baseball players to play on fake teams that compete against other squads with names such as the Tubepullers, the Coos Bay Flash, the Lawn Tossers, and Supernuts.
I currently own two teams, one that draws its players from both leagues while the other is strictly NL. And they are not free.
A long time ago, as an undergrad, one of my teammates on the baseball team asked me if I wanted to join his league: it was free and involved the game I love, so I said, "sure, sign me up Phelpsie."
I remember basing selections on my favorite players for that first draft; most of my team consisted of Cubs, a dumb mistake as all fantasy owners know: you draft on stats, not preference. That's why Adam Dunn is more valuable than Derek Jeter. Dumb, dumb, dumb for purists, yet smart, smart, smart for us in Lala Land.
I went from one team that first year to eight teams five seasons later, and hung on to a roster of eight unil two years ago, when it just became too much and I realized that such triviality was a big waste of time.
Enough was enough. Right?
Wrong.
My solution: start paying for my teams.
A smart one, never said I was.
So, for the last two years, I've been scraping some coinage from bank account to fund my dorky passion. And a weird thing happened. I discovered that I no longer get as angry as I used to when the Cubs lose. If that is, and it's a big if, the team they lose to has one of my fantasy starters on their team.
I'm ashamed to admit that when Yovanni Gallardo beats the Cubs I just shrug my shoulders and talk smack on the league message board.
Yes, it's a pity. An addicting pity.
My team names are "100 and Counting" and "Abusey."
My mascot in both leagues is Gary Busey.
Kathy, where have you gone?
If I win either league, I will have paid myself back several times over. If I lose both, I will never be able to tell my wife that mannys and peddys are a waist of money.
Of course, I will never tell her about Kathy Ireland either.
Because, really, a boy needs his fantasies.